Racial Theology

The validity of race has been the topic of the conversation over the last little bit. I have begun reading a book titled, Being Human: Race, Culture and Theology, that explores the impact and role of race, culture, and gender on theology and ontology. The frameworks of theology that are proposed by different races, intricately weaved the condition of their ethnicity into the definition of humanity, directing impacting their theology and Christology. The blatant ethnocentric bent of the theologies were very difficult to read, and even harder to imagine as the belief of a fellow Christian. I felt alienated by their theology and perpetrated as a vehicle of hate, and therefore part of a group that should be actively worked against. Their definitions of humanity were centered on the ultimate realization of their ethnicity, alienating me from a chance at a full life in Christ.
Giving myself some time to think about the impact of these theologies on me and my study of race, I was perplexed about how to even start navigating this new terrain. I am thankful for the shocking nature of these theologies. The whiteness of my theology is entirely invisible to me. It is the water that I swim and think in and it is difficult for me to see its distinctness and impact on my thoughts of my humanity, the nature of God, and our relationship to the world. Perhaps the pervasiveness of race in these theologies is very blatant, but the whiteness of my held theology is a place that needs to be explored to enter into equatable conversations with other Christians of other races.

Thoughts from today:
1. There is a very real difference between conversations about race and conversations about multiculturalism. Culture is a much more comfortable conversation to have. It incorporates norms, food, music, religion, and other facets, elements of society that are easy to compare and contrast as elements that are outside of you. You are never food, or music, or religion and therefore the is obvious space between the person and the conversation. Conversations of race are personal. There is no way to hide, deny, or remain neutral in the conversation (realizing the definition of race is a whole other set of difficulties). It is easy as a person of privilege and majority to have conversations about multiculturalism. It costs us little and requires negligible changes in our lifestyles. The conversation of race cannot and should not be dismissed as 'out of vogue' or in effort to move past an old hat conversation. Race may not exists to you but that is simply proof that you are not forced to live in that conversation continually.

2. Learning about this topic, I feel as though I am giving birth to a new and undiscovered part of my life. I think that it is crucial important for me to make the distinction between my experience/reflection and other people's experience/education. It is remaining in a place of power to analyze the issue of race predominately through my experience of race. Reflection on my experience with race is a different matter than limiting and filtering my thoughts of race through my own. Education is becoming aware of other people's experiences and giving them equal validity with yours. Education causes me to realize that racism exists and it is alive and active. I feel as though I am at a quite place with this conversation and that it is my place to learn and listen right now.

3. White guilt may be okay. Feeling pain and discomfort in this issue is partially equalizing. To desire to avoid guilt on the topic of whiteness is asking for this topic to not cause any pain, when pain has been normal and expected in so many other people's experiences. Guilt may also be an uninformed, entry emotion when a person of privilege enters in. I think that it is a good sign that they are feeling.

4. I am beginning to wonder how I am suppose to separate out certain sections of my life. I was reviewing a power point today that claimed that spiritual formation should be of first priority for youth ministers. I don't know if I believe that my 'spiritual' portion can be carved out and nurtured alone and primarily. I think that God made me holistically and perhaps I should view myself as a whole person, undisectable, and not a summation of parts of gender, class, race, and culture.

Nakedness and Race

There is something about race that seems very involuntary. In the book, My First White Friend, I remember thinking that there is something similar between nakedness and race. Let me explain.

The chapter that I am referring to was about a girl who had recently moved from the downtown center of Denver, to a nice, whiter suburb twenty minutes away. It was a small enough distance for the plea of returning to make sense to the small girl but her father, the primary reasons for their relocation, saw other factors as being more imperative to their situation. She described what it was like to go into a much whiter school half way through the 7th grade. There was so much that was 'understood' about her because of the color of her skin and so the students didn't ask questions and the teachers did not expect greatness. Here recollection of what that shift was like was illuminating, in the way that it showed the easy access to personhood of another.

I have found that when I am in cross-cultural settings, I wish that I could hide my skin. At times I feel like it screams uptight, pretentious, and annoying and those are all characteristics that I would love to distance myself from. Additionally, I feel like it is this 'thing' that needs to either be addressed (humor is often the most natural vehicle for this) or ignored in the vein of educational enlightenment. When I walk into a room in this setting, I feel understood. Not necessarily for who I am, but for what I represent, and rarely do I get to correct or inform that understanding. My experience walking into a room like this is rather limited. However, it is the situation that so many people face everyday.

A solution of colorblindness would say that the color of a person's skin has no bearing on who they are or what they are capable of achieving. I would agree, but I also think that it is foolish to make this colorblindness retrospective, flattening the playing field of history in an attempt at irresponsible, majority guilt satiation. The color of my skin has informed who I am. I have been treated a very specific way, in places of majority and minority, and I have come to expect that treatment. I have been taught to behave in a certain manner, view my education in a particular way, respect my elders, and eat my food; all of this being informed by my skin.

To understand someone by their skin is selling them short. It is like saying that I have seen the model of a person's car, and in turn know their music tastes, culinary inclinations, and choice of career. It is foolish and limiting, for both the 'understander' and the 'subject'. There is great vulnerability in race, because it can never be hidden. It is nice when I am with a majority culture because my race(nakedness) is much less obvious and normal, thus making it a conversation that is not important to our gathering.

I went to True Vine Missionary Baptist Church today and I was one of the two white people there. The other one, she drove. I felt naked in a lot of ways. I felt 'understood' without being consulted and their abundant warmth made that okay. This is where there is beauty in being a minority. Very rarely do I reflect on the implications of my skin color in my life, but having it become a rarity forces me to do that.

Why study white culture?

This is a question that has been asked of me and that I have been asking of myself. In the moments when the books are stacked high on my desk and the work of an 18 credit quarter seems a bit much, it is easy to slip into rationalizing why this might be a waste of my time or an over exaggeration of a non-issue.

However, contrary to the above statements, I find great purpose to this study. As a person who is white (a term in much need of a definition) I must understand who I am, fulfilling an expectation that I hold of people from other races and ethnicities. In order to have a conversation about differences in culture, I must understand my own and not assume that it does not exist or its existence is irrelevant to the conversation. Understanding my white heritage, cultural upbringing, and status in society brings me to a place where I can analyze its strengths and weaknesses, confront its past sins, and enter into a solution based conversation with understanding of my own position.

As a Global and Urban Ministries minor at Seattle Pacific, I have found myself sitting in classes, such as Multi-Ethnic Ministries, perplexed about my role as a white female in a world that seems to not need me. I found myself devaluing my skills and passions with the sole reason being that I am white, a residue of past problems and a reminder of division in so many places. I found myself wondering what my role was in this conversation and where the merits of my voice fell. The conclusions that I eventually came to was that I was an ineffective summation of uninformed (and ignorant) opinions because I had not spent time to understand the culture that I have been seeped in for my entire life.

My purpose behind this study is not to conclusively put sentences or paragraphs on my race and my relationship to others. That is a journey that will morph through out the rest of my life, evolving through my relationships and education about others and myself. I do however want to devote time and thought to the reasons why I have been socialized to be white and what that means. I do not want to assume that my skin is invisible and I do not see the value in being colorblind. I want to be white, because it is what I am, but I also want to know what that means for my personal identity and for my role in society.